“There will always be competition in the world. That’s what makes life exciting.” — Carolyn Murphy
From the moment we’re born, we enter a world where competition is the rule — not the exception. Whether we like it or not, whether we’re aware of it or not, we’re constantly being measured, compared, and chosen or not.
But competition isn’t just about winning jobs or gold medals. It’s about something more fundamental: how we see ourselves, how we measure up, and how honest we’re willing to be in that reflection.
In this week’s edition of The Chairman’s Playbook, I’m reflecting on two ideas that came out of a simple moment: a conversation with a student who didn’t get the job she wanted. Her disappointment was genuine — but so were the lessons hidden behind it.
The Story That Sparked It
A few years ago, I gave a lecture on success to a group of master’s students at the Romanian-American University. During the Q&A, a young woman stood up and, visibly upset, told me my talk had no real value — after all, Unicredit hadn’t hired her after her interview. To her, that was proof that success was more luck than logic.
I asked gently whether it had occurred to her that she might have been competing with dozens of other candidates — perhaps some better qualified, more experienced, or simply a better fit for the role. She said no, but added that she was sure she was better prepared than any of them.
That exchange stayed with me. Not because it was dramatic, but because it perfectly illustrated two truths about how we navigate the world:
- We are always in competition — even when we don’t know it.
- We rarely evaluate ourselves as honestly as we think we do.
Lesson One: Competition Is Constant
We often imagine competition as something formal: sports, elections, and job interviews. But in reality, it’s constant, mostly invisible, and deeply human.
We’re not just competing with classmates or neighbors — we’re in quiet, ongoing competition with thousands of people we’ve never met. Competition exists for limited resources like affection, relationships, education, jobs, promotions, influence, and reputation. We don’t compete for air or sunlight — yet — but for almost everything else, the world runs on a supply-and-demand system.
And most of this competition isn’t personal. It isn’t “against” someone. It just is. You and I might compete for something and never even know it.
This is not a cynical view — it’s a realistic one. Competition is a defining feature of human history, society, and progress. The entire structure of modern life — from economics to politics to education — is built on competitive dynamics.
That doesn’t make competition bad. Quite the opposite:
Competition encourages innovation. It pushes us to grow.
It helps us understand who we are and what we still have to work on.
But it only works if we realize it’s happening.
Lesson Two: We’re Not as Objective as We Think
The second takeaway from that interaction was just as important: most of us don’t see ourselves clearly.
Psychological research consistently shows that most people believe they are above average: smarter, more competent, better leaders, better drivers, more generous, more disciplined — even better at judging others objectively.
Mathematically, of course, this doesn’t hold. The majority can’t be above average. But more interesting than the math is the mindset: we want to believe we’re exceptional, and so we build the story that supports it.
Psychologists call this illusory superiority — a bias that causes us to overestimate our strengths and downplay our weaknesses.
Even more fascinating is this paradox:
- The least competent people overrate themselves the most.
- The most competent often underestimate their abilities.
Why? For top performers, specific skills come easily, and they assume the same is true for everyone else.
This matters. When overconfidence turns into self-deception, it can become dangerous — especially when lives or livelihoods are involved. Doctors, lawyers, or executives who think they’re infallible put others at risk.
So, How Do We Get Better at Seeing Ourselves?
Two tools help us build honest self-awareness:
- Self-reflection – asking uncomfortable questions and answering them without ego.
- Feedback – actively seeking input from people we trust, who have the honesty (and courage) to tell us what we might not want to hear.
Neither is easy. But both are necessary.
Why This Matters for Leadership?
You might wonder: What does all this have to do with leadership?
Everything.
Leadership is not about title or position — it’s about responsibility, influence, and decision-making. And none of those things work well without awareness of both the world and the self.
Great leaders know they compete — not just with others, but with their own past selves. And they don’t let pride distort their sense of where they are. They listen, they learn, and they course-correct — often with the help of others who see what they don’t.
Questions for Reflection
To close this post, I’ll leave you with three questions:
- Do you think about the ways you compete with others — even when it’s not obvious?
- How honest are you with yourself when you evaluate your own skills and performance?
- Who do you trust to give you honest feedback — and how often do you ask for it?
📄 Download The Chairman’s Playbook Worksheet — Play 20: On Competition
Next week on Chairman’s Playbook, I will discuss Luck, Opportunity, and the Myth of Pure Merit.
Until then, stay curious — and stay grounded.
📚 Further Reading
- Daniel Kahneman — Thinking, Fast and Slow
Explores how our minds work, how we misinterpret reality, and why we think we’re more rational than we are. - M. Scott Peck — The Road Less Traveled
A mix of psychological insight and spiritual wisdom about self-discipline and honest self-reflection. - Ryan Holiday — Ego Is the Enemy
About how ego distorts our self-image and inhibits growth. - Dan Ariely — Predictably Irrational
A deep dive into the biases that skew our judgments and choices. - Mahzarin R. Banaji & Anthony G. Greenwald — Blindspot: Hidden Biases of Good People
Explores the unconscious assumptions we hold about ourselves and others.
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