(Facing the Inner Obstacles That Hold Us Back)
“An unfulfilled calling drains all color from a person’s existence.” — Honoré de Balzac
“The most common form of despair is not being who you are.” — Søren Kierkegaard
We All Dream of More
Most people, whether quietly or openly, fantasize about living a different life, becoming someone else, or doing something meaningful. Some even dream of changing the world.
A few, very few, actually make the effort to turn those dreams into reality. The majority, however, keep dreaming or keep complaining.
We tell ourselves life would be better if we had the right connections, a better boss, a new job, more talent, more luck, or more education. But sitting at home and lamenting won’t change anything.
Yes, real external challenges make it hard to pursue a calling: family obligations, financial constraints, lack of opportunity. But the most powerful barriers are the ones we put in front of ourselves.
When we remove our internal limitations, we’re often ready and able to overcome the external ones.
We like to think that if something is truly our calling, we’d recognize it instantly — like a lighthouse on a dark coast, beckoning us home. But in practice, callings rarely appear as thunderclaps. They emerge gradually, through curiosity, frustration, or even by accident.
So why do so many people struggle to find their calling — and even more to follow it once found?
Let’s look at the main barriers that keep us from hearing — or heeding — the call of our life’s true work.
1. The Noise of the World
In a world that measures success by visibility, we are constantly told what should matter: prestige, salary, influence, scale. The problem is that these external signals often drown out the quieter voice of vocation.
When I was young, success seemed self-evident — climbing higher, achieving more. The notion of a “calling” sounded abstract. Only later did I realize that the louder the world’s voice grew, the more I needed to cultivate inner stillness.
Without silence, that inner voice can’t be heard.
2. Fear of the Unknown, Failure, Losing Control, Standing Out, Responsibility, Ridicule, Judgment, and Change
Every major calling asks for a crossing — from what’s familiar to what’s possible. And crossings are risky.
We fear losing status, comfort, and certainty. We fear others’ opinions. Perhaps most deeply, we fear discovering that our dreams, once tested, might not hold.
Deciding to step back from my CEO role and remain only a non-executive chairman was not easy. I had built an identity over decades, and walking away felt like jumping off a cliff. But what awaited on the other side — a new chapter of reflection, teaching, and writing — proved to be deeply fulfilling.
Following your calling doesn’t mean being fearless. It means acting despite fear.
3. The Trap of Overthinking
Sometimes we don’t act because we’re still “figuring things out.” But discernment can easily become delayed.
Many gifted leaders and professionals spend years analyzing their next step, waiting for clarity to strike before taking action. The paradox is that clarity comes after movement, not before it.
Vocation, like leadership, is revealed through engagement. You don’t think your way into it — you live your way into it.
4. The Weight of Expectations
From an early age, we inherit expectations from family, culture, mentors, and institutions. These expectations shape what seems possible, appropriate, and even admirable.
But a calling often goes against expectations. It may lead away from what seems “successful” or “safe.”
I’ve seen talented people stay in careers that drained them because leaving would disappoint others. But calling is not a betrayal — it’s an alignment. As long as you live someone else’s story, your own remains unwritten.
5. The Myth of the “Perfect Moment”
We tell ourselves we’ll follow our calling “when the time is right” — after the kids are grown, after retirement, after the next bonus, after the world calms down.
But the right time never comes fully formed. Conditions are always imperfect. The truth is, vocation asks for participation before permission.
Waiting for the perfect moment is often a sophisticated form of procrastination.
6. Forgetting That Calling Evolves
We often treat “calling” as a single, lifelong assignment — like a divine job description. But callings evolve, as we do.
Your calling at 30 may not be your calling at 60. And that’s not failure — it’s growth.
When I began banking, I aimed to help build institutions that could serve a transforming economy. Later, it became about shaping teams and mentoring leaders. Now, it’s about distilling the lessons of a lifetime into writing that helps others navigate their journeys.
Each stage was a calling in its own right, each preparing me for the next.
Distraction Is the Most Acceptable Form of Avoidance
Most of us don’t confront our fears by doing nothing. Instead, we fill our lives with busyness, tasks, to-dos, distractions, that prevent us from facing the truth: we’re afraid to grab the bull by the horns.
When the Wrong Path Drains Us
Pursuing the wrong career, or staying in the wrong relationship, can quietly eat away at us.
We tell ourselves we’re “fine”. But beneath the surface, there’s restlessness. Frustration.
Eventually, ignoring our calling can turn into anxiety, emptiness, even depression.
A Word of Advice
Whether it’s love or vocation, missteps and false starts are part of the process. But one thing is sure: it’s not worth staying in the wrong place, especially not for a lifetime.
Questions for Reflection
- Have you ever caught yourself using any of the excuses mentioned above?
- Which of these fears do you recognize in your own life?
- What other obstacles have you faced in trying to find or follow your calling?
Next on Chairman’s Playbook: how to recognize your true vocation and what to do once you’ve found it.
📚 Further Reading
1. Steven Pressfield — Do the Work
A concise, powerful follow-up to The War of Art, focused on pushing through fear, procrastination, and self-doubt to actually finish what matters.
2. Gay Hendricks — The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level
Introduces the “Upper Limit Problem” — how unconscious fears of success and change can hold you back from your zone of genius.
3. Susan Jeffers — Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway
A classic on transforming fear into action — and realizing that courage is not the absence of fear, but movement through it.
4. Michael A. Singer — The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself
A guide to disidentifying from fear and inner chatter — learning to act from the deeper self rather than the anxious mind.
5. Gregg Levoy — Callings: Finding and Following an Authentic Life
One of the most directly relevant books ever written on the subject — a rich, story-filled exploration of what happens when we resist or heed our inner call.
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